1 00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:08,182 Chili for your boy. 2 00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:10,184 [laughing] 3 00:00:10,185 --> 00:00:12,054 - Got the corn bread. - [sportscast playing over TV] 4 00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:13,448 Yeah, all right, all right. 5 00:00:13,622 --> 00:00:15,058 Game on. Okay. 6 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:16,755 [laughing] 7 00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:19,279 Nice. This is what I'm talking about right here. 8 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,151 [murmuring] 9 00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:22,805 [cell phone ringing] 10 00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:27,723 Aw, man, I already dipped. What? 11 00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:29,594 [ringing continues] 12 00:00:29,595 --> 00:00:31,900 All right, all right, all right, all right. 13 00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,598 Okay. 14 00:00:33,772 --> 00:00:35,687 Unknown number? 15 00:00:35,861 --> 00:00:38,647 This better be good, because I already dipped. 16 00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:41,389 Marty? 17 00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:43,478 Why you calling from this number? 18 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:45,522 Oh, is that Malcolm? Let me talk to him. 19 00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:46,785 No, baby, it's Marty. 20 00:00:46,786 --> 00:00:48,656 He's got a flat on the side of the 101. 21 00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:50,963 Oh. Well, why doesn't he just call a tow truck? 22 00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:52,748 For a flat tire? 23 00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:55,185 We Butler men, we don't call a tow truck 24 00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:56,679 for a flat tire. [chuckles] 25 00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:59,059 Say what? You already called 'em? 26 00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:01,583 Oh, oh. 27 00:01:01,584 --> 00:01:03,714 Ask him if Malcolm told him he's seeing someone. 28 00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:06,240 Babe, he's broke down on the side of the road. 29 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:07,937 Then he has time to talk. 30 00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,161 Tell him. 31 00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:10,679 Okay, okay, o-okay, babe. 32 00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:12,811 Marty, no, don't... What? 33 00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:15,423 Since when do you leave work 34 00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,407 without your phone or your wallet? 35 00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:20,428 I know you ain't about to eat chili over my nice rug. 36 00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:23,170 I'm not eating chili at all. 37 00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:34,659 Marty, what the hell are you doing here? 38 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,401 Well, hello to you, too, Mommy. 39 00:01:37,402 --> 00:01:41,404 Your dad said that you were stuck on the side of the road. 40 00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,363 Well, I think I would know if I were. [chuckles] 41 00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:44,843 Ow! 42 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,410 Why didn't you tell me 43 00:01:46,411 --> 00:01:48,977 that your brother was dating a reality TV star? 44 00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,936 He is? Oh, Mercedes! 45 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,113 - [scoffs] - [laughing] 46 00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:54,984 Please. You're no help. 47 00:01:56,246 --> 00:01:57,334 No, no, I got it. 48 00:01:57,639 --> 00:02:00,598 Uh, the, uh, security code is 314. 49 00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:02,818 MARTY'S VOICE: Thanks. And zip code? 50 00:02:02,992 --> 00:02:04,428 Zip code? 51 00:02:04,429 --> 00:02:06,734 Marty, you've had the same zip code your whole life. 52 00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:09,172 Sorry, Dad. I'm just a little scrambled. 53 00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:10,739 I want to get home safely. 54 00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:13,350 Okay, all right, all right, just calm down. 55 00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:16,745 Um, the zip code is 91101. 56 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:18,877 Daddy! How's it going? 57 00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:22,054 Shh. I'm on the phone with Marty. 58 00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:25,057 Thanks, Dad. It just went through. 59 00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:26,755 [line beeps] 60 00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:28,365 What the hell? 61 00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,715 - Who was that? - That was you. 62 00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:32,674 No, I'm me. That was not me. 63 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:37,026 If that wasn't you, then who did I just give my credit card to? 64 00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:40,812 Aw, damn. I just got got! 65 00:02:40,813 --> 00:02:44,337 ? Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ? 66 00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:45,774 ? Welcome to the hood. ? 67 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,260 Yeah, no, my high school mascot is a bear. 68 00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:56,001 Now can you freeze my card, please? 69 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,874 No, I know my favorite movie. It's Training Day. 70 00:02:58,875 --> 00:03:01,005 What do you mean that's not my favorite movie? 71 00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:03,530 I know my favorite movie when I tell you my favorite movie. 72 00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:07,274 Okay, oh, if it's not that, then it's Barbershop. 73 00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:10,799 Hey, Calvin, can you fix a TV? 74 00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,723 Dave, Dave, I'm on the phone. No, no. 75 00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:15,418 Do not put me on hold. Sir, do not put me- [stammers] 76 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,588 They put me on hold. 77 00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:21,462 - What's wrong, Dave? - I punched my TV and broke it. 78 00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:22,854 [chuckles] Been there. 79 00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:25,814 2017, when the Astros cheated the Dodgers. 80 00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:28,338 Ooh. Me, too. 81 00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:31,123 Series finale, Game of Thrones. 82 00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:33,256 'Nuff said. 83 00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:34,953 It wasn't like that. 84 00:03:34,954 --> 00:03:38,042 I was wearing my VR goggles, and I'm trying to knock down 85 00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:40,872 Mushroom Sprites in Pixie Quest 3-D, you know? 86 00:03:41,046 --> 00:03:43,223 [imitates whooshing] 87 00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:46,839 [sighs] I didn't realize my TV was there. 88 00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:48,837 - I mean, you get it. - No, no, I get it. 89 00:03:48,838 --> 00:03:50,620 Those purple mushrooms are so mischievous, 90 00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:52,667 but you got to hit them like this. 91 00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:55,147 Really? 92 00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:57,237 Video games? 93 00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,629 See, this is why you can't change a damn tire. 94 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,284 Dad, it wasn't me! 95 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,942 Does this mean we can get into Mercedes' restaurant? 96 00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:09,249 I mean, we should be VIPs. 97 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,466 Expired. 98 00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:12,034 I'm not going to that place. 99 00:04:12,035 --> 00:04:14,818 I could never support a woman who pulled a fire alarm 100 00:04:14,819 --> 00:04:17,387 at a sushi bar just so she could get a table. 101 00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:19,737 You said that was genius. 102 00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:21,609 You love Mercedes. Keep. 103 00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:25,743 Well, that's when she was a trophy diva of Brentwood. 104 00:04:25,744 --> 00:04:28,267 Now she's just a woman that's sinking her claws 105 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,486 into my little boy. 106 00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:30,797 Does cereal go bad? 107 00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:32,837 This box has Gabby Douglas on it. 108 00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:34,709 Aw. 109 00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:37,668 It could be bad, but I ain't throwing Gabby away. 110 00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:39,409 Expired. 111 00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:43,413 Why is he doing this to me? Why is he keeping it a secret? 112 00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,241 Because he knows you can be... 113 00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:47,243 What can I be, Gemma? 114 00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:50,377 I don't want to say while I'm standing on a chair. 115 00:04:51,769 --> 00:04:53,293 This is good. 116 00:04:58,515 --> 00:04:59,951 Look, man, I get it. 117 00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:01,823 It's not easy dating a celebrity. 118 00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:03,477 How would you know, Trey? 119 00:05:03,478 --> 00:05:05,478 Don't you remember? I dated Sheridan. 120 00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:06,828 She was on Price Is Right. 121 00:05:07,089 --> 00:05:08,308 Oh, yeah, yeah. 122 00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:09,873 She, uh, she-she won the Showcase Showdown? 123 00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:11,572 That's how I went to Greece. 124 00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:14,783 Okay, look, it's not really the same thing, Trey, you know. 125 00:05:14,784 --> 00:05:16,837 Mercedes is an international celebrity. 126 00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:19,057 Uh, Greece is international. 127 00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:23,856 Anyway, all over the Internet, everybody's asking, 128 00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:25,194 "Who's the mystery guy?" 129 00:05:25,195 --> 00:05:27,151 This is what Mercedes was warning me about. 130 00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:29,329 Man, who cares? She's worth it, isn't she? 131 00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,156 Yeah, she is. Definitely. 132 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,985 I just- look, I like my privacy, man. 133 00:05:33,986 --> 00:05:35,725 You know, it's only a matter of time 134 00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:37,249 before I'm in the public eye. 135 00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,817 Any day now, some vulture's gonna get my photo 136 00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,384 and make a fortune off of it. 137 00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:42,733 Yeah. 138 00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:44,605 That's a damn shame. 139 00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:46,889 That's why I stopped dating celebrities. 140 00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:53,440 You know, I should've known it wasn't you. 141 00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:56,399 Like you could go ten feet without your phone. 142 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,142 I know you're just lashing out. 143 00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:03,885 Am I losing my edge? Am I slipping? 144 00:06:03,886 --> 00:06:06,539 Dad, th-these scammers have gotten so sophisticated, 145 00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,976 - it could happen to anyone. - Has it happened to you? 146 00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:10,805 Me? [laughing] 147 00:06:13,808 --> 00:06:15,026 No. 148 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,379 See, Dave, I come from a time 149 00:06:19,553 --> 00:06:22,338 that if you got taken, they did it to you in person. 150 00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:26,298 They respected you enough to scam you to your face. 151 00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:30,651 Well, Calvin, you know, you wouldn't have gotten taken 152 00:06:30,652 --> 00:06:33,000 if you spent a little more time keeping yourself sharp. 153 00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:34,611 You should do what I do: 154 00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:36,961 puzzles, brainteasers, crosswords. 155 00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:39,877 Oh, uh, what's a four-letter word for 156 00:06:39,878 --> 00:06:41,530 "insufferable know-it-all"? 157 00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:43,794 Ooh, I know this one. 158 00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:47,494 It's "Dave," isn't it? 159 00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:48,843 You are sharp. 160 00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:50,584 MARTY: You know, Dad, 161 00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:53,761 you could put in a little more effort to be tech-savvy. 162 00:06:53,762 --> 00:06:55,892 I mean, I went through a lot of trouble to install 163 00:06:55,893 --> 00:06:58,286 that Wi-Fi sprinkler system, and you won't even open the app. 164 00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,984 I like my hose. 165 00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:04,206 I like to use my thumb to hit the brown spots in my grass. 166 00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:08,340 He won't even use the spray nozzle. 167 00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:12,127 Why would I do that when I have a thumb? 168 00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:15,783 You know, how about you use that same thumb on the app 169 00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:17,828 to hit those same brown spots? 170 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:21,615 Then I would have a dry thumb. I don't like dry thumb. 171 00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:27,098 Daddy, you are just so resistant to anything new. 172 00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,922 You know, Calvin, as long as you stay this stubborn, 173 00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:32,539 stuff like this is gonna keep happening to you. 174 00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:34,105 Well, answer me this: 175 00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:37,021 Why did the voice sound exactly like you? 176 00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,675 DAVE: Well, uh, Calvin, 177 00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:40,938 scammers can clone people's voices 178 00:07:40,939 --> 00:07:42,635 that post things on the Internet. 179 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:44,855 Well, you don't post on the Internet. 180 00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:46,335 Do you? 181 00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:49,991 I mean, h-have I ever posted anything online? 182 00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:52,472 I'm-I'm sure, in special circumstances. 183 00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:56,519 Marty. Are you forgetting? 184 00:07:56,693 --> 00:07:58,956 He's got a YouTube channel. 185 00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,697 Move over. 186 00:08:00,871 --> 00:08:02,525 But I don't post that often. 187 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:06,137 Calvin, he has got a weekly show. 188 00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:09,576 It's called The Butler Debunked It. 189 00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:11,839 What the hell is that? 190 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,144 Okay, look, I just feel like, as a scientist, 191 00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:17,366 it is my duty to inform the public about misconceptions in 192 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,110 [quietly]: superhero movies. 193 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,850 In-in-in what? 194 00:08:23,111 --> 00:08:24,547 Superhero movies. 195 00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:27,550 Now that I've explained it, we don't need to watch it. 196 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,294 No, no, no. Let's watch this one. 197 00:08:29,295 --> 00:08:32,249 - Hard truth. - [dramatic music playing] 198 00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:35,297 I don't care how strong Kal-El, aka "Superman," is. 199 00:08:35,298 --> 00:08:37,341 Lifting a building is not just about strength. 200 00:08:37,342 --> 00:08:39,752 It's about that object's ability to withstand 201 00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:40,955 its own weight. 202 00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,739 If lifted from a single point, 203 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,959 a skyscraper would collapse... 204 00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,661 ...and crush everyone in Metropolis. 205 00:08:51,662 --> 00:08:53,662 But they don't tell you that part, okay? 206 00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:55,360 They don't tell you that part. 207 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,625 That is what you learn here at Butler Debunked It, 208 00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:01,018 where the only superpower is science. 209 00:09:01,192 --> 00:09:02,498 [dramatic music ends] 210 00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:05,327 [laughs] 211 00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,024 Wow. 212 00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:08,504 61 views. 213 00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:10,767 It's-it's only been up for two months. 214 00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,987 That's just great. 215 00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:15,511 Now I got to fill out 18 different forms 216 00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:17,121 to get my money back. 217 00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:20,734 I hope your zero seconds of fame was worth it. 218 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:26,043 Man, I thought the comments section was mean. 219 00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:30,352 This one calls you "Bill Nye the Celibate Guy." 220 00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:37,932 [grunts] Well, thank you for taking me out for coffee, Mama. 221 00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:40,318 That was a, uh... that was a nice surprise. 222 00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:44,235 Well, I'm always happy to spend time with my firstborn, 223 00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,455 who shares everything with me. 224 00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,283 [Malcolm chuckles] 225 00:09:48,284 --> 00:09:50,066 Anything else you want to tell me? 226 00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:52,069 I can't think of anything else. 227 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:53,941 Think harder. 228 00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,032 - You know what? - What? 229 00:09:58,206 --> 00:10:00,730 - I just bought an air fryer. - Oh, okay. 230 00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:01,954 Well, do you like it? 231 00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:04,081 It, uh, it hasn't come in yet. 232 00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:07,302 Okay, Malcolm, I drove an hour and paid $34 to park. 233 00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:09,733 Is there anything else you want to tell me? 234 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:11,828 Uh, Mama, I-I told you about 235 00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:13,899 the cat that lives on my front porch. 236 00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:15,310 Right? I-I told you 237 00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:17,617 I got a loyalty card from the coffee place. 238 00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:21,098 I told you I got a birthday email from my optometrist. 239 00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:24,101 I don't have anything else. 240 00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:29,411 Mm-hmm. 241 00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:33,377 Surfing? 242 00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:35,722 Not for me. 243 00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:39,116 Trey, you bought a surfboard? 244 00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:42,293 Nah, nah, people just leave these out for you to use. 245 00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,951 I don't think that's true. 246 00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,171 Okay. I'm gonna go. 247 00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:52,607 Um, unless there's something new in your life 248 00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:53,608 that you just remembered. 249 00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:55,045 - Is there? - Uh, well... 250 00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:56,743 Miss Tina. 251 00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:59,049 I just got my forklift license. 252 00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:00,790 Aw! That's so nice. 253 00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:04,968 Thank you for sharing something from your life, Trey. 254 00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:14,543 Oh, I hate this, man. 255 00:11:14,544 --> 00:11:17,327 - Keeping secrets from my mama. - So? Tell her about Mercedes. 256 00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:19,242 You said it yourself, it's gonna get out. 257 00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:21,071 Yeah, I know, but I'm not ready. 258 00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:22,565 Well, you should get ready. 259 00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:24,328 It could get out as early as today. 260 00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:25,641 For all we know. 261 00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:30,951 Trey? 262 00:11:31,821 --> 00:11:34,345 You ain't reading no damn book. Trey! 263 00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:36,569 - Is it already out? - For all we know, yes. 264 00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:38,306 [scoffs] 265 00:11:38,307 --> 00:11:41,264 - Really, Trey? - I'm sorry. I-I'll get a towel. 266 00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:43,353 I'm not talking about the couch. You sold me out. 267 00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:45,400 - I thought we was boys. - Man, we are boys. 268 00:11:45,574 --> 00:11:47,184 Somebody was gonna get paid. 269 00:11:47,185 --> 00:11:50,491 I'm not gonna let some vulture get paid off my friend's misery. 270 00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:53,103 So now we're making money off your misery. 271 00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:57,107 So you sold me out for a couple of bucks. 272 00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:58,630 Wow. 273 00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:02,156 - Whoa. - Your half. 274 00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:05,986 Just put it in the air fryer for like 30 seconds. 275 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,910 Oh, my God, I better go tell my mama. 276 00:12:07,911 --> 00:12:10,554 She will never forgive me if she hear it from the streets first. 277 00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:12,426 - [cameras clicking] - [clamoring outside] 278 00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,993 Well, you better hurry up. There's a couple guys out here 279 00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:15,385 trying to take pictures through the window. 280 00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:16,910 MALCOLM: Oh! 281 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,348 Just stop posing, Trey! 282 00:12:22,171 --> 00:12:26,962 - I guess it could be Malcolm. - Oh, it definitely is. 283 00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:29,270 Let me zoom in. Look at that. Look at that. 284 00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:31,446 Yo, now it's just a blurry blob. 285 00:12:31,447 --> 00:12:33,795 You can't even recognize your brother's own ear? 286 00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,236 It looks just like your dad's. 287 00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:37,278 Look. See? Look at that. 288 00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:40,629 What are you doing? 289 00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,065 I'm looking at your ear. 290 00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:44,502 Well, I'm trying to do sudoku. 291 00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:45,982 Why? 292 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,430 Dave was clowning me about getting scammed. 293 00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:51,292 They say doing puzzles sharpen the mind, so... 294 00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:52,684 - Oh. - Ah. 295 00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:54,295 Sudoku, eh? 296 00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:56,645 But that box has nothing but eights in it. 297 00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:59,256 Yeah. That's my eight box. 298 00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:02,308 Ooh, hey, guys. 299 00:13:02,309 --> 00:13:03,694 Uh, can I borrow some muscle? 300 00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,218 I need help setting up my brand-new 301 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:06,960 70-inch flat-screen TV. 302 00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:10,833 Dave, you have a teenage son. 303 00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:12,835 He helped Dave get it into the house. 304 00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:15,011 Took so much out of him he went to bed. 305 00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:18,841 Well, piece of advice, Dave. 306 00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:22,366 Teach the boy how to change a tire. 307 00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:25,674 I didn't have a flat tire! 308 00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:29,634 This is a big TV, Dave. 309 00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,723 Yeah, 4K OLED? 310 00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,218 That must have been pricey. 311 00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:34,378 One would think. 312 00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,286 But I was on my way into the store, 313 00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:39,166 and I saw a guy with this baby in his shopping cart. 314 00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:40,775 He was trying to return the TV 315 00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:42,472 because it was too big for his shelf, 316 00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:44,824 but the return line was too long. 317 00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:48,653 - Yeah, it already sounds sus. - Super sus. 318 00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:49,965 Let me finish. 319 00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:51,395 He didn't want to wait, 320 00:13:51,396 --> 00:13:53,353 so he asked if I would take it off his hands. 321 00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:54,659 He wanted full price, 322 00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:59,229 but, uh, I haggled with him and got $200 off. 323 00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,014 Okay. 324 00:14:01,015 --> 00:14:03,058 Well, it's a good thing you didn't pay full price, 325 00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:07,411 because whatever is in this box, it's definitely not a TV. 326 00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,326 Yes, it is. 327 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,180 Because, being a savvy consumer, 328 00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:13,026 I made him open the box and show me. 329 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,418 Marty. 330 00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:18,118 - Oh, yeah. - Whoa. 331 00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,729 Well, I stand corrected. 332 00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,252 Well, damn. 333 00:14:22,253 --> 00:14:24,688 Yeah, I felt bad taking advantage of the guy, 334 00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:29,607 but it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and today I ate dog. 335 00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,784 Don't-don't even... 336 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,135 Let's fire this bad boy up. 337 00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:38,094 [TV chimes] 338 00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:42,185 Well, it certainly is hi-def. 339 00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,756 The hell is that?! 340 00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:50,759 Well, Dave, it appears as though 341 00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,805 you have bought a Gravy Jack's menu. 342 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,546 No. No. 343 00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,070 [stammers] 344 00:14:57,287 --> 00:14:59,550 It must just be on the chicken channel. 345 00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:03,946 Dave, there is no chicken channel. 346 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,906 And that is the remote for an adjustable bed. 347 00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:14,000 You know, after looking at all these ears, 348 00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:16,089 I think it could be Malcolm. 349 00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:18,787 Yeah, you never realize how weird ears look 350 00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,833 until you look at a thousand of them. 351 00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,618 Hey, Ma, we need to talk. 352 00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:25,228 What-what is it? 353 00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:28,613 Well, remember when you asked me if there was anything new 354 00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:31,234 - going on in my personal life? - Mm-hmm. 355 00:15:31,235 --> 00:15:33,018 Well, I just remembered something. 356 00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,107 Mm. 357 00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,457 - Mercedes... - Who called it?! - Oh! 358 00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:38,303 - Who called it?! - You. 359 00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:39,982 Okay. 360 00:15:40,156 --> 00:15:41,206 So you knew? 361 00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:42,637 Yes, baby, I knew. 362 00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:45,031 - Oh, Mommy... - And what were you thinking?! 363 00:15:45,205 --> 00:15:48,208 That woman is toxic. She's materialistic. 364 00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:49,772 - She is a drama queen. - Whoa. 365 00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:51,385 Now, now, hold on, Mama. 366 00:15:51,386 --> 00:15:53,560 You were the one who told me to give Mercedes a chance. 367 00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:55,084 A chance to write a book, 368 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:59,349 not to be out smooching up in public with your ear all out! 369 00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,178 My ears are always out. 370 00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:06,356 And I'm trying to tell you she is not who you think she is. 371 00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:08,760 Oh, no, honey, she is not who you think she is. 372 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,231 I have been watching that woman for years, 373 00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:12,928 and she is ruthless. 374 00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:14,886 She doesn't care who gets hurt. 375 00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:18,020 You saw the last episode, when she got Sienna drunk 376 00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:21,111 at the ski chalet and then pushed her off the chairlift! 377 00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:25,506 She went down that mountain faster than the people on skis. 378 00:16:25,507 --> 00:16:29,030 - Full-on makeup. - Just, like, not even an eyelash out of place. 379 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,641 Okay, okay, okay, okay! 380 00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:33,427 Look, Ma, real talk, okay? 381 00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:34,950 We should... 382 00:16:37,822 --> 00:16:41,000 Gemma, I think we could use a little privacy. 383 00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,567 - [gasps] I'll lock the door. - Okay. 384 00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:45,047 [lock clicks] 385 00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:49,486 Oh. With me on the other side of it. 386 00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,017 - Y-Yeah, okay, go. - Yeah. 387 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,448 Call me. 388 00:16:54,622 --> 00:16:57,059 I locked it. 389 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:02,282 Now, Mama, I know what you gonna say. 390 00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:05,466 What? That Mercedes Selznick once made a whole cruise ship 391 00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:08,288 turn around because she forgot her Birkin bag? 392 00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:11,726 I did not know you were gonna say that. 393 00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:15,512 That woman is a narcissistic nightmare. 394 00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:18,124 Which I love on TV, but not for my son. 395 00:17:18,125 --> 00:17:19,776 See, b-but that's just it, Mama. 396 00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:21,997 You are talking about her TV character. 397 00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:23,738 That's not the Sadie I know. 398 00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:25,566 Sadie? Who's Sadie? 399 00:17:25,567 --> 00:17:27,915 Yeah, that's what I'm trying to tell you. Okay? 400 00:17:27,916 --> 00:17:30,266 She's... she's two different people. 401 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,572 Right, right. 402 00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:33,523 And both of them are wrong for you. 403 00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:37,143 You know, Ma, Grandma told me a story once. 404 00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:38,840 About a woman Pop was seeing. 405 00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,711 Said she was all wrong for him. 406 00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:42,409 She was gonna ruin his life. 407 00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:45,194 Yeah, yeah, I get it, Malcolm. That woman was me. 408 00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:47,588 No, that was some woman named Carla. 409 00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:48,812 Oh. 410 00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:50,591 Oh, yeah, she was crazy. 411 00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:55,770 Okay, but Pop had to find out who she was for himself, Ma. 412 00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:57,293 If he had never done that, 413 00:17:57,294 --> 00:17:59,686 he'd be wondering "What if?" his whole life. 414 00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:01,428 All right. Malcolm, I hear you. 415 00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:02,820 You're a grown man. 416 00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:05,649 I just got to let you do stupid things. 417 00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:07,260 Thank you. 418 00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:12,700 And as a veteran of many, many stupid relationships, 419 00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,919 I'm telling you, this... 420 00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:19,315 this thing I have with Sadie, it's not stupid, Mama. 421 00:18:19,316 --> 00:18:22,796 - [cameras clicking] - [clamoring outside] 422 00:18:22,797 --> 00:18:24,320 What is going on out there? 423 00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:27,018 It's like 15 photographers in front of our house. 424 00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:31,327 Tina, did you tell the news I got scammed? 425 00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:35,984 Yeah, Calvin. 60 Minutes is on the way. 426 00:18:37,681 --> 00:18:38,731 No, no, no, Pop. 427 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,989 It's because I'm in a relationship 428 00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,034 with Mercedes Selznick. 429 00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:45,211 Well, all right! 430 00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:46,647 No. No. 431 00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:48,518 Not helping. 432 00:18:48,692 --> 00:18:50,433 Uh, babe, I'm just saying. 433 00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:51,826 She's a rich woman. 434 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,500 Our boy is like the new Stedman. 435 00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:55,569 [laughing] 436 00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:57,493 Ooh, can I get a chicken sandwich? 437 00:18:57,614 --> 00:18:59,529 Buy your own. You rich now. 438 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,230 That was my sandwich. 439 00:19:07,337 --> 00:19:10,974 - [cameras clicking] - [clamoring outside] 440 00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:12,629 Back! Back! 441 00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,243 It is crazy out there. 442 00:19:17,244 --> 00:19:18,982 They were swarming me like zombies. 443 00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:20,811 And not the slow Walking Dead kind. 444 00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:23,162 The fast-moving World War Z kind. 445 00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:25,555 Save it for your YouTube, Marty. 446 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,384 Well, good luck. 447 00:19:28,385 --> 00:19:30,211 Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're going out there? 448 00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,604 We're not the ones dating celebrities. 449 00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,736 - [cameras clicking] - [clamoring outside] 450 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,652 [paparazzi groaning, booing] 451 00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:37,088 Ah, come on! [stammers] 452 00:19:37,350 --> 00:19:39,280 For all you know, I could be Tom Cruise. 453 00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:40,614 Ha, ha! 454 00:19:42,851 --> 00:19:47,185 I don't know how I'm ever gonna get out of here. 455 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,665 Oh, well, I guess you have to move back home with us, baby. 456 00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:51,842 No! 457 00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:53,586 CALVIN: Don't worry, Malcolm. 458 00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:55,150 I can get you out of here. 459 00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:58,153 Thanks to your brother, I have an app for that. 460 00:19:58,327 --> 00:19:59,502 - Oh. - [chuckles]: Hey. 461 00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:02,244 - Come on, man. - Okay. Check you out. 462 00:20:02,245 --> 00:20:03,940 - [cameras clicking] - [clamoring] 463 00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:06,029 [chuckles] Well, hello, ladies and gentlemen. 464 00:20:06,030 --> 00:20:07,380 [paparazzi groaning] 465 00:20:07,554 --> 00:20:08,990 Great evening, huh? 466 00:20:08,991 --> 00:20:11,209 You guys look like you might be a little thirsty. 467 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,646 - Yeah. - Boom! 468 00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:14,474 - [laughs] - Dad. 469 00:20:14,475 --> 00:20:16,431 - That's-that's your flashlight. - Okay, yeah. 470 00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:18,217 H-Hold on just a second. Wait. Um... 471 00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:19,696 And boom! 472 00:20:19,697 --> 00:20:21,306 - Yeah. - [paparazzi groaning] 473 00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:23,047 Ah, yeah. Oh, okay. 474 00:20:23,048 --> 00:20:25,179 Oh, I see they might need a little zone two. 475 00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:26,920 - Yeah, hit 'em with the zone two. - Full power. Boom! 476 00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:28,131 MARTY: Deuces. Let's go. 477 00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:29,793 [laughs] Let's go! 478 00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:31,621 - Run, run! - Yeah. Oh, Dad! 479 00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,362 There's a guy behind the tree. 480 00:20:33,363 --> 00:20:35,624 Oh, I'm-a have to zone five him with the turbo boost. 481 00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:36,974 - Boom! - [groans] 482 00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:38,237 Let's go! 483 00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:40,717 - Get out of here! - Yeah. 484 00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:44,286 Hey, Malcolm, come on out, man. The coast is clear. 485 00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,375 Whew. Hey, thank you, Pop. 486 00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:47,768 [all chuckling] 487 00:20:47,769 --> 00:20:49,638 - Ah! Paparazzi, two o'clock! - Oh, go. 488 00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:51,684 Go, go, go, go. I got you! I got you! Move, move! 489 00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:53,034 Go! Move, move, move! 490 00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:55,471 Get low, Malcolm! Get low! 491 00:21:00,433 --> 00:21:04,350 Captioning sponsored by CBS 492 00:21:04,524 --> 00:21:08,136 and TOYOTA. 493 00:21:08,397 --> 00:21:12,706 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 494 00:21:12,756 --> 00:21:17,306 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0